Shout Out to Soccer Fans

Connie, Rodney, Leigh and Clay,

Have fun in Ft.Lauderdale and good luck to the girls! If I could have made these pictures larger I would have, but I'm a novice.

K.

Tricks of the Mom Trade

Consumer Alert! Do not, I retype, DO NOT purchase this product! Unless you need one more food to comfort you on a cold and dreary night in front of reality TV, one more tasty treat to make your 5 year old son fall in love with you all over again, one more sweet sensation to create the perfect family movie-watching tradition, just don't buy it, make it, or taste it at your friend Kerrie's son's birthday party in October. It is microwave popcorn's version of caramel corn by Act II, it is yuuuuuummy and it is enough to make Orville Redenbacher switch teams! Stay away from it.

If my warning is not enough to keep you from running straight to isle #9 at your local Wal-mart Super Center (isle #3 at Publix or isle #14 at Kroger), may I give you a few serving suggestions?


After popping and mixing in the caramel packet, toss in some candy corn (which I just discovered is sold year around -- Halleluiah, thank you baby Jesus). Having corn in the name makes candy corn a vegetable and thus very good for you. Kerrie, being the good mom that she is, served the fortified version to the birthday party goers; she added sunflower seeds. That's protein our poor, nutrient deprived children would have otherwise done without. Thank you, Kerrie, for keeping us healthy!


No matter how you eat it...Act II Microwave Carmel Corn good!


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On a healthier note, my next trick is Milled Flax Seed.






Found next to the flour at the grocery store (don't ask the isle number, I don't have time for such trivial tidbits), milled flax seed is supposedly the new wonder food. Dr. Oz brought flax seed to my attention a while back and ever since it has found it's way into many of the foods I prepare (but not microwavable carmel corn). On a daily basis I put it in oatmeal, cereal and pancake batter. I also mix it into breadcrumbs and cracker crumbs whenever a recipe calls for such. No one in my house has ever noticed or mentioned it. Oh, except for eagle-eye Kelly, she called me out for it one morning. I told her it was part of the oatmeal recipe and I hated using this terrible stuff because it was so full of sugar! She's never mentioned it again. I use it (with breadcrumbs) to make chicken tenders for my kids. They are delicious.


Note: Refrigerate after opening.


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My last trick is for the moms of young kiddies out there in the blogosphere (all three of you that read my blog). If your kids are like mine they beg you to buy Lunchables. Sometimes filled with a candy dessert, a falsely labeled sugary juice drink and a couple of crackers, these Lunchables are the sack-lunch version of the Happy Meal. All my kids care about is the "prize" inside, the mini-candy bar and the sugarwater. Even Kelly's preschool has banned Lunchables because the kids don't eat them.

In an attempt out-smart my children and save money, I tried slicing blocks of cheese and creating my own version of the Lunchable with Boar's Head Turkey and Ritz Whole Wheat Crackers. Thinking I was smart, I put the food in a recycled Lunchable plastic tray. They knew this was bogus from the get-go and wanted nothing to do with it. We have settled on these:

Coming in at less than $1.00 per snack pack, I think this is a fair compromise. My girlfriend Vic reminded me of the sodium in these little suckers and to her I say: You can't win 'em all.

Do you have any tricks?

I love to learn of new tricks that will make my life better, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know! I suppose I could hold a contest to see who has the best trick of all? That would be totally original and something I have never seen on a blog before. Hummm? Thinking. Suppose I did hold a contest for a family food trick, what could I give away as a prize? Thinking. It has to be lightweight so I don't have to pay much in postage. That rules out sending a kid. Still thinking. It has to be something I don't need anymore and could give away without reservations. That rules out birth control. There is one thing that comes to mind. Before Christmas I purchased three 2008 calendars from this little known photographer (I am sure none of you have ever heard of her before). By the time Christmas rolled around, Mom told me she already had a 2008 calendar and Sue was nice enough to lie to me and say she still needed one. So now I have an extra 2008 calendar signed by the photographer. It is sure to be a collector's item and being only February you can still use eleven twelfths of it. I'll even jot-in my family's important dates for you.

So if you want to share a food trick or give me a food endorsement I would much appreciate it. If you need a 2008 calendar, make up something. And if you just want to make me laugh...that would be the best trick of all!

Gotta run! Nike just called and asked that I endorse their new line of kids' tennis shoes. They have side pouches were you can safely store your homemade lunchable. Genius!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

At sixty-something Millie woke up one day to an empty house that had once been filled with needy children and a water-thirsty husband. After years of cooking three-squares a day she can finally eat ice cream for dinner and cake for dessert…alone. This is the story of one lady who managed to raise eight kids, served Sunbeam bread to dinner guests and ultimately landed a job at a restaurant so she would never have to cook a meal again. Millie has sliced, diced, chopped, grilled, fried and sautéed her way out of her kitchen and into the dining rooms of her children -- an evolution any tired mom would appreciate.

Happy birthday, Mom. My dream for you today is that you get your fill of cake, cookies, pie, Krispy Kremes, chocolates, candies, sugary breakfast cereals, salads that contain jell-o and cool whip and any other sugary substance you love to nosh on! Since food is obviously something I enjoy, I must thank the person that fed me first and that has fed me the most. Thank you for all the home cooked meals. Thanks for all the time it took you to prepare them each and every night while jousting teenagers, wrangling toddlers and fetching Dad a glass of ice water. Thank you for the love that you showed me by making sure I was well fed. Thank you for my sweet tooth. I especially want to thank you for not forcing me to eat things I didn't like and for not making me "clean" my whole plate. I believe it is for this reason alone that I managed to make it this far in life without an eating disorder. Thank you for making Sara and Lorie do the dishes and sweep the kitchen floor.

While cooking all those meals I think what you inevitably taught me was an appreciation of family. The memories of sitting at the dinner table are ones I will treasure forever and it is because of you and your hard work that I have them at all. If I am able to provide the same for my family I will be proud. You should be proud too!

In honor of Mom's 67th birthday I will provide one of her favorite cake recipes. This recipe originally came from Sara, but Mom has taken it over. It is sweeeeeet and tasty!

Sara's Pina Colada Cake that Mom Loves

1. Bake on box yellow cake mix as directed in a 10x13 pan.

2. Mix the following and pour over hot cake:

1 can sweetened condensed milk

1 can cream of coconut

3. Let cake cool completely (this part is hard to do)

Frosting: Mix 1 large box instant vanilla pudding mix and one 20 oz. can crushed pineapple with juice. After blended, fold in one 12 oz. carton cool whip.

Refrigerate and than eat until coma is induced.

The Compromise: Baked Wings, Spinach Artichoke Dip & Sushi

I know. I know. The combination doesn't sound so good, but by the time I was finished getting it all in front of the TV we were starving and ready for anything. Pat agreed to baked wings instead of fried because he said, "I can eat more that way." Thank goodness for such rational thinking. To make the wings I used a combination of a Barefoot Contessa recipe and an Alton Brown recipe. The wings were ok, but knowing that my husband will live longer made them taste all the better. I also made a Spinach Artichoke Dip that I enjoyed more than the wings. Lastly, I picked up some sushi and we had a party. Well...not really a party, but we put the kids to bed a 6:00pm and that is as close to a party as we can get these days!

Broiled Chicken Wings with Lite Blue Cheese Dressing

24 chicken wings

1 stick unsalted butter, divided
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 teaspoons Tabasco
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 1/2 cups crumbled Gorgonzola or other blue cheese
1 cup lite mayonnaise
3/4 cup lite sour cream
2 tablespoons 1% milk
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Preheat the broiler.
Melt 1/4 stick butter. Put the wings on a sheet pan and brush them with the melted butter. Broil them about 3 inches below the heat for 8 minutes. Turn the wings, brush them again with the butter, and broil for 4 more minutes or until cooked.

While broiling, melt remaining butter add cayenne, Tabasco and salt and begin sauce.

For the sauce, place the blue cheese, mayonnaise, sour cream, milk, Worcestershire, salt, and pepper in the bowl of a food processor. Process until almost smooth.

Toss wings in butter mixture and put on your beer goggles.

Spinach & Artichoke Dip
(originally from Sara's friend,Hope, I added the spinach to make it "fortified")
1 cup mayo
1 cup sour cream
1 can artichokes packed in water, drained and cut to desired size
1 can diced green chilies
1 ½ cups asigo cheese grated
1 10oz. package frozen spinach, thawed, drained very well

Mix all ingredients together and pour into shallow baking dish. Bake 350 degrees until golden on top. Blot oil. Served with baguette slices.

This dip is so good it will knock you over!

Hey! I'm four. Your teeth stink! God is wheely, wheely strong. When bugs die, they go to Bug Jesus. Mom, are you listening to me? Help me, I'm talking and I can't shut up!

And if you believe this...Patrick took the left-over sushi to school in his lunchbox (no raw fish). He asked that I include chop sticks. Bless his little heart! If he can withstand the ridicule of accidently being sent to school in Batman pajamas (cape included) and eating sushi at a kindergarten lunch table, he may actually turn out to be a solid man built to withstand the pressures to conform.

Postscript: When Patrick came home from school he said almost immediately and without any solicitation, "The kids at lunch didn't like the sushi." I inquired further. Did they laugh at you? How did it make you feel. Did you eat it anyway? Did it make you sad? He somberly replied, "Yes I was sad 'cause the chop sticks made the sushi fall apart." That's my boy!

To Fry or Not to Fry?

Pat asked that I make Chicken Wings for the Super Bowl tonight. I've made wings before, but usually I bake them. This time, he asked that they be fried (being the Super Bowl and all -- I figure eating fried wings is the closest to euphoria he can get next to the Dolphins actually playing in the Super Bowl). It sounded like a great idea. I, too, love Chicken Wings and I am always up for a new deep frying adventure. Then I started looking for just the right recipe. Pioneer Woman claims if I make her wings (see photo above) I can make all the guys fall in love with me. Considering he has already married me (and the UPS man won't be having dinner with us tonight), who needs love? What I need is a husband to outlive me so I am not left with three kids to raise alone. Her recipe calls for two sticks of butter and 1 1/2 inches of canola oil in a deep vat. Hummm? Now the quandary: Make him happy tonight or keep him alive for tomorrow? What is a wife and mother to do?

Let me think about it...

After further consideration, I will slice up some celery and he can dip it in a bowl of wheat germ. That's a fair compromise. Don't you think?

What's for dinner? Browned Beef Carnitas

Our dinner tonight will be browned Beef Carnitas. If it turns out well I'll post the recipe. If not, my family will suffer in silence (probably for days because I am making a lot of it).

The photo above is from the recipe I am using with a few exceptions. It calls for pork. Since pork is the other white meat I am using beef. Beef is brown. And more filling.

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The following addition to this post was made after we ate dinner:

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The Beef Carnitas were pretty good. It was totally a throw-together meal, but I think I will make it again. I have decided to post it because (1) the beautiful picture above may really make you want it and (2) it was simple to make.

The Menu: Beef Carnitas, Yellow Rice and Jazzed-up Black Beans with Guacamole, Sour Cream and Salsa on the side

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Beef Carnitas (the Soccer Mom Version)

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Beef Chuck Roast

Goya Adobo Seasoning (look on Latin food isle or you could probably use garlic powder, s & p)

1 medium onion, halved

3-4 cloves of garlic

1 jalapeno pepper

2 cups chicken broth

14 oz. can tomatoes

Cilantro (a hand full of fresh or maybe just a teaspoon of dried)

Shredded cheese (I used Mexican blend and some mozzarella)

Sour Cream

Guacamole (I usually make my own, but I highly recommend the brand Wholly Guacamole. Find it in the produce section at Wal-mart. It is actually as good as my homemade version and probably cheaper)

Salsa

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1. Season the roast well with Adobo powder. Top, bottom, & sides! Shake it. Shake it. Shake it, Momma.

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2. Put first 8 ingredients into crock pot. Turn on low and go about your business.

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3. When ready to eat use a strainer to retrieve the chuck roast and shred it into smaller pieces. Also retrieve some tomatoes (dice them up) and some onion slices. Place on a warm flour tortilla, top with cheese, guacamole, sour cream, salsa and more fresh cilantro.

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4. Enjoy the easy and filling meal.

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My kids loved this. When I told them we were having beef for dinner they made ugly faces, their heads began to spin and high-pitched siren sounds came out their mouths. Then I changed the name from beef to burritos. The terrible noises stopped, but by the looks on their faces they still were not convinced. Then I let them assemble their own (mainly meat and cheese) and hid the tomatoes and onions out of their peripheral vision. Suddenly it was manna from God. Sissy informed me she wanted it for breakfast tomorrow morning only tomorrow she wants it to be flat (i.e.: a quesadilla), with just cheese and pickles. I guess that means she liked the Beef Carnitas. I hope you do too.

The UPS Man Came

Yesterday evening the UPS man came a knockin'. Those in my immediate family know my feelings about UPS men. I love them. I mean I looooove them. I have never pinpointed the reasons for my deep admiration, but it exists. Deeply. I shared my sentiment with my mother-in-law a few years back (it's great to have a mother-in-law with whom you can share these intimate feelings) and she immediately thought of me when she heard this poem recited on National Public Radio.

Why I Have A Crush On You, UPS Man

you bring me all the things I order

are never in a bad mood

always have a jaunty wave as you drive away

look good in your brown shorts

we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship

you're like a cute boyfriend with great legs

who always brings the perfect present

(why, it's just what I've always wanted!)

and then is considerate enough to go away

oh, UPS Man, let's hop in your clean brown truck and elope !

ditch your job, I'll ditch mine

let's hit the road for Brownsville

and tempt each other

with all the luscious brown foods —roast beef, dark chocolate,

brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies

I'll make you my mama's bourbon pecan pie

we'll give all the packages to kind looking strangers

live in a cozy wood cabin

with a brown dog or two

and a black and brown tabby

I'm serious, UPS Man.

Let's do it.

Where do I sign?

by Alice N. Persons, from Don't Be A Stranger

I think I could have written this poem myself. As a matter of fact, around 5:00pm each day when I am trying to pull together dinner and the kids are at their worst (exactly the time on which Brown is on my street, honking his horn at all the ladies), I think I could hit the road to Brownsville and start on my dark chocolate and Guinness diet.

I wondered if I was the only one who felt this way and sent out an email to a few friends and family members (no names mentioned, but I am sure you don't know any of them). Here are a few comments I received back.

Note: Some names and minor details have been omitted to protect the guilty.

~ "I do love him too, great legs, cute little shorts, usually sexy sunglasses and he brings you presents. Oh, if only he would clean my bathroom too."

~ "I do have to say that I have watched a few UPS men walk away....only if they were younger though because I am not really attracted to the 50 year old ones :) Its the whole man in uniform thing...you cant resist."

~ "Funny you should bring this up...there was a really bad thunderstorm the other day and I looked out my window and the UPS man was sitting in his truck in the middle of the cul-de-sac. I ran downstairs (so excited b/c i knew he had something wonderful for me) and begged through the window for him to bring it. It was storming so bad he couldn't get out of his truck. I about drove _________ crazy debating whether I should run out with an umbrella and invite him to come inside to safe haven. I sat and watched the cute man in brown the entire length of the storm to make sure nothing happened to him. ( __________ said I was stupid and he wouldn't come inside). As soon as the storm subsided enough for him to deliver out of danger, the heroic man ran through the rain to bring a smile to my face and hand me my package. =) Anyway, the answer is yes, I've always given a little flirty eye to the UPS man."

~ "Well of course I love him, who wouldn’t? I LOVE all the gifts he brings. Somehow, he always knows exactly what I am wanting!!!"

~ "In the past I have experienced many the crushes on men in uniform, especially those wearing short pants. The first uniform crush was on a Coca-Cola delivery man; I was really into drinking Coke Classic back in those days. I had fantasies of my hot Coke man muscles bulging as he carried me cases of my favorite beverage.
When I got a little older, old enough to have a credit card and place an order, my sights did change. I have to admit I can’t resist checking out the men in brown. My roving eyes don’t stop there. I now have a Schwan’s delivery man. For those of you who are not familiar with this species let me explain. He visits me every two weeks driving a refrigerated truck. I can order all kinds of food but I usually go for things like ice-cream and the occasional peach pie. I have to admit, I enjoy seeing him in the hot summer months. He wears shorts and a smile and has the kind of man legs that I like. Not too big and not too small…just right!"

~ "The dog enjoys the excitement of the truck, the doorbell and the possible attack. Maybe that’s what you guys enjoy too, like the dog, the possibilities, I am sure the dog just imagines, I don’t think he would ever go through with it……or would he…would you?
I like the package… once unwrapped it is usually not as exciting as imagined…packaging is a wonderful thing. What can brown do for you?"

So maybe it is just the possibilities I imagine being so wonderful, but yesterday when the doorbell rang and the UPS man stood there with nothing in his hands, no brown box, no incoming catalog orders, no e-bay wins, I thought that just maybe...just possibly...brown was here to find out what I could do for him?

With baby on my hip I opened the door. Seeing his empty arms, and sharing a moment of awkwardness between us, I tell you with all honesty -- I had a severe heat flash. My face turned red and I stuttered. Had he some how learned of my secret crush and came to make good on it? Had he tapped into my email in-box and read all of the confessions? Oh Lord. What am I going to do?

You probably will not believe this upon first reading, but my initial inclination was correct: Brown was at my door wanting to know what I could do for him! Yes, it is true.

At first there was awkward small talk. How are you? How is your son? And your wife? This made me particularly uncomfortable because it just wasn't natural. Please, just cut to the chase. Pat will be home in minutes and the dinner is burning. Then he delivered his true desire for me. I could tell it made him a little uncomfortable to be so forward. But like the respectable man in uniform I dreamed he was, he stepped up to the plate, swallowed the lump in his throat and asked me. Unable to hold back his true desires any longer, he cleared his throat and blurted it out, "Do you think my son could get a job at the restaurant this summer?"

There it was. The moment I had been waiting for all my adult life. I was finally going to be able to help a former student get a job. This is what teachers live for. Oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that I taught the UPS man's son 7 years ago. I guess I should also mention that the UPS man went to high school with Gus. Small world.

So I will go on living with my little crush unrequited. And with such a close call on my doorstep last evening, I can say with great certainty that I am like the afore mentioned dog: I enjoy the excitement, the doorbell and the thought of possible attack, but the package is better left unopened because once unwrapped it can never be as good as I imagined it to be.